Teachers and Police True Comments

>These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the
>New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but,
boy,
>are these funny!)
>
>1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started
>to dig.
>
>2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>
>3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>
>4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
>
>5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
>achieve them.
>
>6 The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it
>all together .
>
>7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>
>8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>
>9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
>
>10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
>week.
>
>11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out
>1,000,000 others.
>
>12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>
>These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around
>the country:
>
>16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
>through."
>
>15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
>after you wear them a while."
>
>14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
>worthless document."
>
>13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
>
>12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
>of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
>
>11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
>anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
>
>10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
>will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
>
>9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again
or
>I'll give you another ticket."
>
>8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
>not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
>
>7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
>ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
>
>6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven
>.."
>
>5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
>
>4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
>
>3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed
>to write as many tickets as we can."
>
>2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
>yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
>
>AND THE WINNER IS....
>
>1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
>Sign here."
>