Teachers and Police True Comments

>These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the
>New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but,
boy,
>are these funny!)
>
>1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started
>to dig.
>
>2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>
>3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>
>4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
>
>5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
>achieve them.
>
>6 The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it
>all together .
>
>7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>
>8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>
>9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
>
>10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
>week.
>
>11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out
>1,000,000 others.
>
>12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>
>These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around
>the country:
>
>16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
>through."
>
>15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
>after you wear them a while."
>
>14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
>worthless document."
>
>13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
>
>12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
>of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
>
>11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
>anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
>
>10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
>will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
>
>9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again
or
>I'll give you another ticket."
>
>8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
>not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
>
>7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
>ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
>
>6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven
>.."
>
>5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
>
>4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
>
>3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed
>to write as many tickets as we can."
>
>2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
>yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
>
>AND THE WINNER IS....
>
>1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
>Sign here."
>

What Does Love Mean? ..from a child's prospective.

'When my grandmother got arthritis,
she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time,
even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


And the final one...

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Could you have passed the 8th grade...in 1895

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895? (LOOK CLOSELY... THAT'S EIGHTEEN NINETY FIVE!)

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.



8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS -1895 ********************************
Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph.
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of "lie," "play,"' and "run."
5. Define case; Illustrate each case.
6. What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

*****************************************
Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per metre?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.



********************************************
U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided..
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865..



*******************************************
Orthography (Time, one hour) (WHAT IS THIS ANYHOW?)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.



*********************************************
Geography (Time, one hour)
1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.


**********************************************

Notice that the exam took SIX HOURS to complete. Gives the saying "he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?! Also shows you how poor our education system has become...

People Who make a Difference

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.


1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.





How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .


Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:



1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .







Easier?



The lesson:



The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care .

THE FOLLOWING IMMIGRATION LAWS ARE PROPOSED...

1 There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
2. All ballots will be in this nation's language.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
3.. All government business will be conducted in our language.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
4. Non-residents will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
5. Non-citizens will NEVER be able to hold political office.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
6 Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or other government assistance programs. Any burden will be deported.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
7. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount at least equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
8. If foreigners come here and buy land... options will be restricted. Certain parcels including waterfront and border property are reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
9.. Foreigners may have no protests; no demonstrations, no waving of a foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our president or his policies. These will lead to deportation.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
10. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be actively hunted &, when caught, sent to jail until your deportation can be arranged. All assets will be taken from you..{This recently changed, you are no longer immediately taken to jail. However, I expect it still applies to any Central Americans working there.}
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Harsh, you say?.......

The above laws are current immigration laws of MEXICO


Theses are just what the USA needs.

NO Exceptions !!!!!!!!
NO Political Correctness !!!!!!

Pass this on if you agree these rules need to be discussed by your state and the federal government!!!!!

Note From Jay Leno

Jay Leno wrote this; it's the Jay Leno we don't often see....

'The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?''
Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.

Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and
Provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes , an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have , and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?

The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it...are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go.

They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about 'how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way'...Insane!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.

'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

Jay Leno
2007
Please keep this in circulation. There are so many people that need to read this and grasp the truth of it all.

Very Interesting Stuff

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
-------------------------------------------
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"..and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.
-------------------------------------------
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
-------------------------------------------
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S . Treasury.
-------------------------------------------
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
-------------------------------------------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
-------------------------------------------
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
-------------------------------------------
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
-------------------------------------------
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
------------------------------------------------------------------------
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.


Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
------------------------------------------------------------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase..."Goodnight, sleep tight"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Do You Remember When ?

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

It took five minutes for the TV warm up?

Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids

got home from school?

Nobody owned a purebred dog?

When a quarter was a decent allowance?

You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

All your male teachers wore neckties and female

teachers had their hair done every day and wore

high heels?

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked,

and gas pumped, without asking, all for free,

every time?

And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading

stamps to boot?


Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels

hidden inside the box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out

to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they

failed. . . and they did?



When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise,

peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races,

and people went steady?


No one ever asked where the car keys were

because they were always in the car,

in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?



Lying on your back in the grass with your friends

and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a "



and playing baseball with no adults to help kids

with the rules of the game?



Stuff from the store came without safety caps

and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried

to poison a perfect stranger?



And with all our progress, don't you just wish,

just once, you could slip back in time and

savor the slower pace, and share it with the

children of today?



When being sent to the principal's office

was nothing compared to the fate that awaited

the student at home?


Basically we were in fear for our lives,

but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings,

drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents

were a much bigger threat! But we survived

because their love was greater than the threat.



Send this on to someone who can still remember

Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy,

Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery,

the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows,

Nellie Bell , Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.



As well as summers filled with bike rides,

baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits

to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say,

"Yeah, I remember that"?



I am sharing this with you today because it ended

with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember

what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember

that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough

to know better and too young to care.



How many of these do you remember?

Candy cigarettes

Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored

sugar water inside

Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles

Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes

Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with

cardboard stoppers

Newsreels before the movie

P.F. Fliers

Telephone numbers with a word prefix..

(Raymond 4-601). Party lines

Peashooters

Howdy Dowdy

Hi-Fi's

45 RPM records

78 RPM records!

Green Stamps

Metal ice cubes trays with levers

Mimeograph paper

Beanie and Cecil

Roller-skate keys

Cork pop guns

Drive ins

Studebakers

Washtub wringers

The Fuller Brush Man

Reel-To-Reel tape recorders

Tinkertoys

Erector Sets

The Fort Apache Play Set

Lincoln Logs

15 cent McDonald hamburgers



5 cent packs of baseball cards -

with that awful pink slab of bubble gum

Penny candy

25 cent a gallon gasoline

Jiffy Pop popcorn



Do you remember a time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?

It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite

sex was "cooties"?

Having a weapon in school meant being caught

with a slingshot?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute

commercials for action figures?

"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling

down was cause for giggles?

The worst embarrassment was being picked

last for a team?

War was a card game?



Baseball cards in the spokes transformed

any bike into a motorcycle?

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable

aspirin?



Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?



If you can remember most or all of these,

then you have lived!!!!!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from

their "grown-up" life . . .I double-dog-dare-ya!

Will Rogers Quotes

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was
probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy
the following bits of his wisdom:



1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.


3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.


4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.


5. Always drink upstream from the herd.


6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.


7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back
in your pocket.


8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The
few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric
fence and find out for themselves.


9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.


10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.


11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.


12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


ABOUT GROWING OLDER...


First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.


Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.


Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want
people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some
of the roads weren't paved.


Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.


Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.


Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without ever getting to the top.


Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it
is such a nice change from being young.


Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.


Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.


Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was
called witchcraft. Today it's called golf


And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have
anything to laugh at when you are old.




Rogers was a great man with an unusually wise sense of humor. I've always
enjoyed reading his stuff...........

Fender Skirts

I came across this phrase yesterday "FENDER SKIRTS."

A term I haven't heard in a long time, and thinking
about "fender skirts" started me thinking about
other words that quietly disappear from our
language with hardly a notice like "curb feelers"
And "steering knobs." (AKA) suicide knob.

Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally
went that direction first.

Any kids will probably have to find some elderly
person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.

Remember "Continental kits?"
They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers
that were supposed tomake any car as cool as a
Lincoln Continental.

When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?"

At some point "parking brake" became the proper term.
But I miss the hint of drama that went with
"emergency brake."

I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone
who would call the accelerator the "foot feed."

Didn't you ever wait at the street for your daddy to
come home, so you could ride the "running board"
up to the house?

Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth
but never anymore -"store-bought." Of course,
just about everything is store-bought these days.
But once it was bragging material to have a
store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.

"Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all
sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing.
Now we take the term "world wide" for granted.
This floors me.(I now always think of 'coast to coast'
as going from home...the FL gulf coast to the east
coast like Ft Lauderdale)

On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical
term in our homes. In the '50's, everyone covered
his or her hardwood floors with, wow,
wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces
their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors.
Go figure.?
When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase
"in a family way?" It's hard to imagine that the
word "pregnant" was once considered a little too
graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite
company, so we had all that talk about stork visits
and "being in a family way" or simply "expecting."

Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage.
I said it the other day and my daughter cracked up.
I guess it's just "bra" now. "Unmentionables" probably
wouldn't be understood at all.

I always loved! going to the "picture show," but I
considered "movie" an affectation.

Most of these words go back to the '50's, but here's
a pure-'60's word I came across the other day - "rat fink."
Ooh, what a nasty put-down!

Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a
fun word to say. And what was it replaced with?
"Coffee maker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound
so modern and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow"
and "Electrolux." Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV,
now with "SpectraVision!"

Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago?
Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil
cured, because I never hear mothers threatening kids with
castor oil anymore.

Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list.
The one that grieves me most, "supper." Now everybody
says "dinner." Save a great word. Invite someone to supper.
Discuss fender skirts

Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of a
"certain age" would remember most of these.

Just for fun, pass it along to others of "a certain age"!

IF YOU AREN'T OF A CERTAIN AGE. YOU MUST KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS.

The Land that made me me

Long ago and far away........In a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan,.....Or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents....And they were you and me,
Long ago and far away.........In the Land That Made Me Me.

For Ike was in the White House..In that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges.....And Peyton Place was porn.
We learned to gut a muffler.......We washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry.....In circles on the lawn.
We longed for love & romance......And waited for our Prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz.....And no one's seen him since.
We danced to "Little Darlin".....And Sang to "Stagger Lee"
And cried for Buddy Holly..... In the Land That Made Me Me.

Only girls wore earrings then.......And 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts...Except for Jean McKinney.
And only in our wildest dreams.........Did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick...In the Land That Made Me Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon,......Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie.......They never made it twice.
We didn't have a Star Trek Five.....Or Psycho Two & Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty...... In the Land That Made Me Me.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold....And Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat.......Whose co-star was a chimp.
We had a Mr. Wizard..............But not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet....In the Land That Made Me Me.

We had our share of heroes........We never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin...........Or Marilyn Monroe.
For youth was still eternal.........And life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever....... . .In the Land That Made Me Me.

We'd never seen the rock band......That was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson.....And Zeppelins were not Led.
And Beatles lived in gardens then.......And Monkees lived in trees,
Madonna was a virgin................In the Land That Made Me Me.

We'd never heard of microwaves.......Or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed......But they weren't grown in jars.
And pumping iron got wrinkles out.....And "gay" meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed...........In the Land That Made Me Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets.....To talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left.....At the bottom of the bag.
And Hardware was a box of nails.....And bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction.....In the Land That Made Me Me.

Buicks came with portholes...... And side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough.....To cover both your cheeks.
And Coke came just in bottles......And skirts came to the knee,
And Castro came to power..........In the Land That Made Me Me.

We had no Crest with Fluoride......We had no Hill Street Blues,
Our girls wore superstructure bras.....Designed by Howard Hughes.
We had no patterned pantyhose.....Or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for condoms.......In the Land That Made Me Me.

There were no golden arches.......No Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda.....And cats were not called Bill.
And middle-aged was 35........And old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents........In the Land That Made Me Me.

But all things have a season.....Or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline.....We swear by Retin-A.
And they send us invitations..........To join AARP,

We've come a long way, baby.......From the Land That Made Me Me.

So now we face a brave new world.....In slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using... ....Smaller print in magazines.
And we tell our children's children.....Of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away.......In the Land That Made Me Me.

The Sneeze

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students
filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their
rich maroon gowns flowing.. And the traditional caps,
they looked almost ... as grown up as they felt.
Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms
freely brushed away tears.

This class would NOT pray during the commencements----
not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling
prohibiting it.

The principal and several students were careful to
stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling.
They gave inspirational and challenging speeches,
but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one
asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.

The speeches were nice, but they were routine.....
until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone.
He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then,
it happened.

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!!!

The student on stage..

Simply looked at the audience and said,


"GOD BLESS YOU, each and every one of you!"

And he walked off stage.

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class
had found a unique way to invoke God's blessing on their
future with or without the court's approval.

Isn't this a wonderful story? Pass it on to all your friends..
and GOD BLESS YOU!!!!

This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland.

Life is just too Fragile

READ THIS VERY SLOWLY....IT'S PROFOUND.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to "cut back the calories". From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible !!

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often h ave your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Who wants to be a millionaire' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about
going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because we cram so much into our lives, we tend to even schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I pl an on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process The other day , I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.
Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow." And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away. ... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

School - 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get in to a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
19 57 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Murphey's Other Laws

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

13. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.


Thoughts for the weekend

1. Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

2. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

3. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.


Ponderisms

1. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

2. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

3. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

4. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole>box to start a campfire?

5. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

6. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?